Healing the Wounds We Didn’t Create: Breaking the Cycle of Inherited Trauma
Have you ever noticed behavioral patterns in yourself or in your family that seem impossible to change? Maybe you or a loved one have difficulty expressing emotions, or when they are expressed, they're quickly minimized –– "it's not that bad" or "why bring up the past?" or "can't you just move on?" You might feel responsible for everyone else's well-being, yet feel uneasy when someone else tries to care for you. Perhaps you feel on edge all the time, waiting for the other shoe to drop, or slow to trust others.
These patterns can feel confusing, frustrating, or even shameful—especially when you can’t point to anything in your own life that seems to explain them. Often, they’re signs of generational or inherited trauma: wounds passed down through families not just through stories or memories, but through behaviors, coping styles, and emotional patterns.
The good news is that these cycles can be understood and healed. By working with a therapist to recognize and understand these patterns, where they come from, and how they've shaped you, you can begin the work of breaking the cycles and creating healthier coping strategies for yourself and your family.
What It Means to Inherit Trauma
Generational trauma is the transmission of emotional pain or unhealthy patterns from one generation to the next. Some research shows that generational trauma can be epigenetic, meaning that traumatic experiences can cause changes in how genes function from one generation to the next, affecting stress responses and emotional regulation (source). Yet many of the effects of trauma are passed down through behavior and belief systems, even when the origins of the trauma aren’t openly discussed.
Where Generational Trauma Comes From
Generational trauma can have many origins, often rooted in painful experiences that overwhelmed earlier generations and were never fully processed or healed. These experiences can take many forms, from large-scale societal events to personal or family hardships, all of which can leave lasting emotional imprints.
Domestic violence and abuse
Abandonment and neglect
Poverty and economic instability
War and displacement
Racism, oppression, and systemic injustice
How Generational Trauma Shows Up in Our Lives Today
While traumatic circumstances differ for each family and individual, what remains universally true is that they leave a deep emotional imprint––not just on those who directly endured them, but on future generations––and it will continue to reverberate unless directly addressed. Trauma shows up in romantic partnerships, parenting, family roles, and communication patterns. Maybe some of these will sound familiar to you:
Emotional unavailability or emotional minimization
Difficulty trusting others or forming secure attachments
Codependency and people-pleasing
Hypervigilance and fear of conflict
Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness
Maladaptive and high-risk coping mechanisms (for example, substance use, perfectionism, emotional withdrawal)
Recognizing these traits with compassion—not shame—is essential to breaking the cycle.
Steps to Breaking Trauma Cycles
So, what does it take to break these trauma cycles in your own family? There’s no step-by-step process that will neatly erase generations of pain, but making a conscious effort to do the following can help you find healing, and can invite others in your family to join you in that process, too.
Build Awareness and Acknowledge the Patterns Awareness and acknowledgement are key. Learn about your family history in whatever way is possible, either by talking directly to family members and asking questions, or by researching your family lineage. You might not have all parts of the story, and that’s okay. Take the time to identify your family’s cycles of trauma and recurring themes, such as silence, anger, control, or avoidance. Explore the ways these cycles have been perpetuated or enabled. Journaling through this process can be helpful.
Release Blame and Cultivate Compassion
Blame is often fuel for generational trauma cycles, so letting go of anger and resentment––towards others and yourself––can be incredibly powerful. This does not mean condoning harmful actions, but approaching the why with compassion and understanding.Reestablish Healthy Boundaries Generational trauma often results in boundaries being violated across generations, which becomes normalized over time as these patterns are repeated. Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries helps to disrupt these cycles and allows you to prioritize your needs. Healthy boundaries protect your peace and model safety for future generations. It starts with learning to recognize your limits and communicating them clearly.
Break the Silence Silence is often used as a tool to avoid painful experiences, yet it often perpetuates continued trauma. Breaking that silence with trusted individuals, whether it’s a family member, friend, or therapist, can be both cathartic and also provide a space to process your experiences and receive validation.
Practice Self-Care and Reconnection Generational trauma doesn’t just affect your relationship with others––it also affects your relationship with yourself. Prioritize activities that support your mental and physical well-being, such as rest, movement, mindfulness, creativity, and supportive relationships. Small, consistent acts of care can help you rebuild a sense of safety and self-worth.
Moving Forward: You Can Be the Cycle Breaker
It takes courage to heal the harm you didn’t cause. It can often feel isolating and confusing, especially if family members engage in harmful tactics to suppress change. Therapy can provide a supportive space to work through your experiences with generational trauma.
At ECC, our diverse group of licensed therapists can provide a supportive space to reflect on familial patterns and practice new ways of relating. We also offer culturally-responsive care to help our clients explore generational trauma through the lens of cultural identity. We offer multilingual therapy in Spanish, Mandarin, Thai, and Korean, both in person and online.
Healing the wounds of the past is a profound gift to yourself—and to future generations. Get started today by booking an appointment.
ABOUT ECC:
Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.