Do You & Your Partner(s) Need Relationship Therapy?

February and Valentine’s Day focus our collective attention on romantic love. Gifts, quality time with romantic dates or getaways, and public declarations of commitment are the most common expressions of romance we see in modern culture around Valentine’s Day, and they’re all wonderful ways to shower your partner(s) with love and affection. Yet at the same time, they can also be distractions or band-aids for relationship issues that need attention and work. If you’re looking for a deeper connection with your partner(s) this Valentine’s Day, there are some therapy approaches that might be right for you.

Signs That You & Your Partner(s) Might Need Relationship Therapy

Just like with individual therapy, the social stigma around relationship therapy can prevent partners from seeking much-needed external support, and even more so for romantic partners who don’t conform to hetero monogamous relationships. Does going to therapy mean there’s something wrong with our relationship? Are we doomed to fail? These are understandable questions, given the social stigma around therapy. At Empowered Connections Counseling, we believe that pursuing relationship therapy is actually a really good sign: it means that one or more of you are invested in the health of the relationship. It means you’re willing to put in work, make yourself vulnerable, have tough conversations, and grow together so that your relationship has a better chance at surviving, maybe even thriving.

No romantic relationship is perfect, because humans aren’t perfect. Humans bring a whole history of pain and sensitivity to relationships that can lead to conflict and misunderstandings. Here are some of the most common reasons that romantic partners seek therapy together:

• Lack of intimacy - It’s common for intimacy (emotional and sexual) to ebb and flow in relationships over time. But if the ebb of intimacy between you and your partners seems to be more pronounced right now, i.e., you’re having trouble connecting with each other, you’re not feeling seen and heard, it’s hard to initiate connection with them and they’re not initiating anything with you, then therapy might help.

• Communication issues – Frequent/recurring arguments and unresolved conflict can build resentment and avoidance between partners. Every relationship has sensitive areas (money issues, family conflict, annoying habits), but if you feel like you’re afraid to bring up certain topics to your partner(s), a licensed therapist can help you unpack the issues and find new ways of communicating to better understand each other.

• Big life transitions or shared trauma – It could be new parenthood, a move to a new location, money or job stress, shifts in gender and sexual identity, or something more painful, such as infertility or child loss. Regardless of the issue, all relationships face awkward or painful chapters in which it becomes more difficult to know how to support one another. Especially when it comes to loss, when each partner is dealing with their own grief, therapy can help you find ways to connect and bond so that you feel less alone.

• Broken trust – Betrayal happens, but it doesn’t have to lead to an explosive ending. It could be a beginning of newfound honesty. Whether it’s an affair, a painful lie, or another type of betrayal, a licensed therapist can help you and your partner(s) come together to unpack the broken trust between you, examine what it means for your relationship, set healthy boundaries, and find ways to communicate about your needs in honest ways.

• Unsolvable problems - According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems that relationships face are actually perpetual or “unsolvable problems,” such as personality or character traits. Therapy can help you and your partner(s) name the problem, get curious about each other, and find a new path forward together.

It is also healthy and normal to go to therapy together when your relationship seems fine! You don’t need to wait for a glaring red flag or a dramatic falling apart to seek support from a therapist — in fact, it’s better if you don’t wait. Plenty of romantic partners go to relationship therapy so that they can prioritize healthy communication and process life’s ups and downs together in a more intentional way.

The Best Types of Therapy to Improve Your Romantic Relationship(s)

Relationship therapy can significantly increase intimacy, satisfaction, and strengthen connection. It can also provide an opportunity to repair when there has been wounding in our important relationships. At ECC, our diverse group of licensed counselors and therapists practice several types of research-backed therapy modalities. Our goal is always to help our clients find the right therapist and approach that best suits their needs. Here are a couple of beneficial therapy frameworks our practice uses to help romantic partners form healthier bonds.

Attachment-Based Therapy

Attachment-based therapy is a trauma-informed and process-oriented therapeutic method that helps clients identify attachment wounds and repair relationships. In attachment-based therapy, a therapist will talk with you to help you understand the four attachment styles, and then lead exercises to help you identify your attachment style, identify deeper attachment wounds, and build more secure attachments with your partner(s). (Learn more about attachment-based therapy and its benefits.)

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach that helps clients connect their emotions with their underlying needs, identify negative patterns, and try new ways of connecting with others. Developed by Canadian Psychologist Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT is a type of attachment-based therapy that was primarily developed for couples. It is distinct from other therapy methods in its core premise that our emotions are a signal of an unmet need or insecure attachment within a relationship. EFT is beneficial for relationships because it provides a structure for identifying and addressing layers of emotions, empowering individuals to connect more deeply with their authentic feelings and learn to communicate them honestly in their relationships. (Learn more about EFT therapy and its unique benefits.)

Relationship Counseling and Therapy Near You

Romantic love can be one of the great joys of life. It can be an incredible source of meaning, connection, personal and collective growth. And it can be a source of deep pain, fear, and grief. It is human nature to bring significant expectations to our romantic partnerships, all the more so in our modern, western culture that has made romantic partnership the pinnacle marker of adulthood. Every relationship deserves support and can benefit from therapy, where each partner has the opportunity to voice their needs, fears, expectations, grief, and hope.

At Empowered Connections Counseling in Chicago, our therapists support all types of romantic relationships—straight, LGBTQIA+, monogamous, polyamorous, partnered, married, divorced—as well as individuals who are single, healing from heartbreak or loss of a partner, or recovering from intimate partner violence or betrayal. Together, we can help you find the right therapist and therapy approach to forge healthy, meaningful connections in your life. Reach out today to book a session.

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Accepting Reality & Embracing Change

*Content Note: This post will mention sensitive topics such as suicidal ideation, self-harm, and invasive thoughts.

Do you ever feel like managing emotional dysregulation is a full-time job? Like your emotions are running the show, and it’s hard to function or focus on anything else? When tricky situations happen and the emotions feel overwhelming, do you resort to behaviors you know are harmful, such as cutting, binge-eating, or drinking? If you’ve suffered a serious loss or trauma, or you’re experiencing acute depression or anxiety, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a method that might help you tolerate stress with healthy habits and access emotional equilibrium.

What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a type of talk therapy based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that has been adapted for those who need help managing and regulating intense emotions. Unlike CBT which focuses on changing an individual’s thought patterns, DBT is focused on giving clients skills to manage their emotional dysregulation. DBT is especially effective for people of all ages who suffer from mood disorders such as depression and anxiety, severe PTSD, suicidal ideation, self-harm, substance abuse, disordered eating, or other issues.

Maladaptive coping skills like substance abuse and self-harm are forged from traumatic experiences when healthy coping skills (like talking to a safe adult) aren’t accessible. These maladaptive strategies may offer immediate relief by easing or numbing the emotional pain, but they also pose risks to a person’s emotional, mental, and physical health that further increase dysregulation. Oftentimes, clients want to end these maladaptive behaviors but need help replacing them with healthier coping mechanisms. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is all about redirecting behavior to better manage emotional dysregulation through:

• Acceptance of reality

• Awareness of emotions

• Healthier coping mechanisms, like mindfulness techniques

Two Things Can Be True

“Dialectical” refers to the act of accepting contradictory ideas. For example, someone who has a severe mood disorder can accept that their brain chemistry makes it difficult for them to feel safe and happy, while at the same time choosing to stop engaging in self-harm behaviors with help from a DBT therapist.

DBT is about “walking the middle path” between two things, i.e., building awareness of the emotions without acting on the impulses. Clients in DBT are coached on how to tolerate intense emotions and accept painful realities without engaging in maladaptive behaviors such as cutting or disordered eating.

Managing Dysregulation with Mindfulness

Of course, ending maladaptive behaviors isn’t as simple as stopping. We have to replace the maladaptive impulse with healthier skills that decrease emotional dysregulation. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, therapists work with clients on mindfulness activities to help them ride the wave of discomfort without action or judgment. Many of these activities employ acronyms that are easy to recall in the middle of dysregulation, such as the STOP and RAIN methods.

The STOP mindfulness technique stands for:

• Stop

• Take a breath

• Observe your thoughts and feelings

• Proceed, i.e., return to what you were doing before you stopped, but with more awareness

The RAIN mindfulness technique stands for:

• Recognize what’s happening in the moment

• Allow the experience to exist just as it is

• Investigate with interest and care

• Nurture with self-compassion

The Benefits of DBT

Dialectical Behavior Therapy offers many benefits, whether its for individuals, couples, or families:

• Greater self-awareness: individuals learn how to notice their emotions and identify cycles of self-harm.

• Emotional resilience: clients can also learn to tolerate stress through mindfulness techniques, so that when difficult situations or emotions occur, they can stay present and emotionally regulate themselves.

• Interpersonal effectiveness: in couples or group therapy settings, DBT gives clients the chance to practice communicating their emotions, slow down the conversation, and identify what’s important to say and how to say it, so that their needs are met.

Is DBT Right for Me?

As mentioned above, Dialectical Behavior Therapy can be applied in a variety of contexts, from individuals (including children) to couples and families. Here are a few signs that DBT might be right for you:

• You find it hard to stay present when difficult emotions arise

• You struggle with impulsive or compulsive behaviors when feeling overwhelmed

• You have severe anxiety and depression

• You have an eating disorder

• You’re struggling with substance abuse

• You’re struggling with suicidal ideation or intrusive thoughts

DBT Therapy in Chicago:

Suffering happens when we get stuck in a cycle trying to change something we can’t, but acceptance is a skill we can learn. Some things about our lives may always be painful or difficult, but through practicing acceptance and mindfulness, we can end cycles of self-harm and find emotional equilibrium. DBT can be a profound and transformative therapeutic experience that sets people on a path toward peace. If you’re curious about whether DBT is right for you, your child, or your family, reach out today. We’ll connect you with the therapist and therapeutic approach to help you thrive.

For more information about Dialectical Behavior Therapy, watch this video of ECC Founder Danielle Zawadski discussing it on PHTV4’s Living Well segment!

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

Attachment Styles: What They Mean and How They Can Help in Your Relationships

Have you ever wondered what your life right now would be like if your childhood relationships with your parents or caregivers had been different? Have you ever reflected on a conflict with a partner or friend, and felt intuitively that if your bond with your parent or caregiver had been healthier when you were a kid, perhaps it would be easier for you to communicate as an adult? Maybe you’re not used to stating your needs clearly because your needs as a child were a burden. Maybe it’s hard for you to get through an uncomfortable conversation with your partner without arguing, because arguing was the predominant way your family communicated. Or maybe you often feel anxious in your relationships, and that anxiety has been with you since childhood?

If any of these experiences resonate, attachment-based therapy might help you.

What are Attachment Styles?

Attachment Theory, founded by John Bowlby, is based on the idea that the relationship young children develop with their primary caregiver or guardian impacts their long-term social and emotional development. These bonds are based on children’s survival needs for safety, food, and protection. Our earliest experiences with attachment are formed through our primary caregivers, from birth through early childhood, setting our expectations of how we can relate to others and how they will respond to us.

“Attachment” is a framework for how you relate to others. “Style” is shorthand for how you are connected or disconnected from others. There are two main types of attachment:

• Secure attachment: A secure attachment between a small child and a caregiver forms when the caregiver consistently responds to the child's needs, providing comfort, reassurance, and emotional support. This “secure base” allows the child to explore the world confidently, knowing they have a reliable source of comfort and safety to return to. This early experience fosters a sense of trust, self-worth, and an understanding that relationships can be dependable and supportive. As the child grows, this secure attachment becomes a template for future relationships, influencing their ability to form healthy connections, manage emotions, and navigate conflicts with confidence and resilience.

• Insecure attachment: In an insecure attachment dynamic with a caregiver, the child's needs might be inconsistently met or disregarded, leading to uncertainty about receiving comfort or support. This inconsistency can create anxiety or avoidance in seeking closeness or reassurance. As the child grows, this insecure attachment style might manifest as difficulty in trusting others, struggles with intimacy, and challenges in managing emotions within relationships. It can lead to patterns of either excessive dependence or reluctance to seek support, impacting the ability to form healthy, secure connections in adulthood, often resulting in difficulties with intimacy, communication, and trust within relationships. Within “insecure attachment” there are a few variants:

  • Anxious Attachment, also called anxious-ambivalent attachment, is when a person feels anxious and insecure in their relationships. They might act clingy in relationships, in constant need of reassurance that their loved one isn’t mad or about to leave them. Anxious attachment is often formed when a child’s caregivers are themselves anxious, hovering over the child and then pushing them away, or making the child feel responsible for the caregiver’s feelings.

  • Avoidant Attachment, also called anxious-avoidant attachment, is when a person acts ambivalent or dismissive in their relationships. They struggle to build intimacy or voice their needs in relationships. Avoidant attachment is often formed when a child’s caregivers were strict and emotionally distant, expected the child to be independent, left the child to fend for themselves, or neglected a child’s basic needs.

  • Disorganized Attachment, are people who crave connection with others but are viscerally terrified of it at the same time, leading to erratic and contradictory behavior. Disorganized attachment is often formed in extreme circumstances, like trauma, abuse, or neglect.

How Do I Know What My “Attachment Style” Is?

While there are formal tests that trained psychologists use to determine a client’s attachment style, such as the Adult Attachment Interview or the Adult Attachment Projective, oftentimes you can identify your attachment style through talking with a therapist, reflecting on your current relationships and behaviors, and reflecting back on your childhood. A therapist who specializes in attachment-based therapy and similar modalities like Emotionally Focused Therapy can ask guiding questions to help you identify your attachment style and how it's impacting your relationships.

What is Attachment-Based Therapy?

Attachment-based therapy is a trauma-informed and process-oriented therapeutic method that helps clients identify attachment wounds and repair relationships. It can be effective for individuals of all ages, couples, and families. In attachment-based therapy, a therapist will talk with you to help you understand the four attachment styles, and then lead exercises to help you identify your attachment style, identify deeper attachment wounds, and repair bonds with a partner or other loved ones. Attachment-based therapy can be applied to treat a multitude of presenting issues: individuals (including children and teens) who have experienced abuse, trauma, couples who have experienced infidelity, and families who have experienced a loss.

Attachment-based therapy (also known as attachment-focused therapy) is distinctly different from the similarly named “attachment therapy,” which is a series of behavioral interventions for children with attachment disorders. Though the names are very similar, attachment therapy is not based on the theory by John Bowlby and is not considered compatible with attachment-based therapy. Attachment therapy interventions like rage reduction or rebirthing have been shown to cause adverse effects in children and are not used in attachment-based therapy.

What Makes Attachment-Based Therapy Different From Other Methods?

Attachment-based therapy is different from other talk therapy methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy in its focus on early childhood experiences and repairing relationships. While Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is also based on Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, the goal of EFT is to understand the emotions that arise from our attachments and how they influence our behavior.

How it Works: What to Expect in an Attachment-Based Therapy Session

In attachment-based therapy, there’s a lot of time given to reflecting on the client’s childhood experiences and relationships to understand present-day conflict. A therapist might also use structured activities to help the client practice new ways of communicating to change the way they connect with others and repair relationships. Whatever strategies a therapist uses, the goal is to establish a secure relationship between therapist and client, so that the client feels safe to explore their past and try new ways of coping and communicating.

Is Attachment-Based Therapy Right For Me?

There are many different effective therapeutic methods, and attachment-based therapy is just one that may be helpful. You may benefit from attachment-based therapy if:

• You experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, or separation from a caregiver as a child

• You sense that childhood experiences are negatively impacting your adult life and relationships

• You want to better understand how your past is affecting your present

• You struggle with trust and security in your relationships

• You want to improve communication in your relationships

• You want to repair broken or difficult relationships

How to Find Attachment-Based Therapy Near You

When we take time to understand our pasts and families of origin, we can begin the work of forming healthier attachments in our present-day lives. Attachment-based therapy is one therapeutic method of many that may be effective for you. At Empowered Connections Counseling, our diverse group of therapists offer a multidisciplinary approach – we will work with you to find the right therapist and the right therapeutic method to suit your needs, including attachment-based therapy for individuals (adults, teens, and children) couples, and families in Chicago and across Illinois.

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Maybe you’re familiar with this scenario: you and your partner (or parent, sibling, or friend) are both home after a long day at work, eating dinner together, when the conversation veers off-course into an argument. It could be about family plans for the holidays, or money, or household tasks that need to get done, but the fight feels too familiar. You’ve had this same fight before, even if it was technically about a different issue, and you and your loved one have reverted to the same feelings and reactions. You feel stuck. Why would something as innocuous as a family holiday gathering or a sink full of dishes trigger such intense feelings? Why can't you seem to react differently whenever the topic comes up? Something has to change, but you don’t know how to make it happen. 

Feeling stuck in your emotions and relational patterns is common, and it’s exactly the kind of issue that Emotionally Focused Therapy is designed to help. 

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy? 

Developed by Canadian Psychologist Sue Johnson in the 1980s, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach that helps clients connect their emotions with their underlying needs, identify negative patterns, and try new ways of connecting with others. Emotionally Focused Therapy is a type of attachment-based therapy and was primarily developed for couples, but can also be an effective therapeutic approach for individuals and families.

What Makes EFT Different From Other Therapy Styles 

There are many different therapeutic approaches, even amongst our staff at ECC. Emotionally Focused Therapy is distinct from other methods in its core premise that our emotions are a signal of an unmet need or insecure attachment within a relationship. EFT is also distinct in how it addresses that unmet need or insecure attachment. Unlike Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, which focuses on changing an individual’s thought patterns, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which focuses on skill development for emotional regulation, EFT is focused on restructuring emotional patterns and bonds to others, making it particularly suited for repairing relationships (although EFT can also be effective for individuals).

Discerning Primary vs Secondary Emotions with EFT

Shame, fear, sadness, loneliness: there are just some emotions that feel too painful to name, especially if we’re in the heat of an argument with someone, or we’re in an environment where we don’t feel safe to be vulnerable, like at work. When we feel unsafe (consciously or subconsciously) to express a primary emotion like sadness or rejection, we may express a different emotion, like anger. In Emotionally Focused Therapy, clients learn to identify and distinguish these two distinct emotional experiences: 

• Primary emotions (the initial, raw reaction to a distressing situation) 

• Secondary emotions (their reactions to the primary emotion, which are often protective responses or coping mechanisms). 

Consider a couple having an argument on a sensitive topic. The primary emotion might be fear, triggered by the vulnerability of acknowledging the deeply rooted issues underneath the surface and how they might impact their attachment to one another. Perhaps one partner is thinking, “If I voice my concern about this issue, will they leave me?” and the other partner is thinking, “If I acknowledge that my partner is right, will they judge me?” To protect themselves, one partner might withdraw emotionally and refuse to talk, while the other might get angry or defensive. 

Emotionally Focused Therapy provides a structure for identifying and addressing these layers of emotions and empowers individuals to connect more deeply with their authentic feelings and foster healthier communications in their relationships. 

Identifying Attachment Styles with EFT 

In EFT, clients also learn to identify the “why” behind the emotions, sort of like peeling back the layers of an onion. The EFT process starts by helping clients identify dysfunctional behavior patterns, then identify the secondary and primary emotions that drive those behaviors, and then identify the attachment insecurities that drive the emotions. 

Attachment styles are the way we relate to others, and they are typically formed in our childhoods based on how we interacted with our primary caregivers. (You can learn more about this in our blog post about attachment styles!) When we have attachment insecurities formed by our earliest interactions with our families of origin and primary caregivers, they can show up as unhealthy patterns in our adult relationships. Attachment insecurities might look like: 

• Avoidant attachment: avoidance of emotional or physical intimacy, dismissive of others

• Anxious attachment: fear of rejection or abandonment

• Disorganized attachment: difficulty trusting others, contradictory behaviors

The EFT “Onion” of Identifying Behaviors, Feelings, and Attachment Insecurities

How it Works: What to Expect in an EFT Therapy Session

EFT is designed to be experiential, so that clients can practice identifying primary emotions and the needs and insecurities driving them, and learn to do this in their everyday interactions. Some EFT experiences are structured as a series of sessions, organized in three stages:

1. De-escalation. Therapists will help clients identify the behavior patterns, emotions, and attachment insecurities as outlined above. 

2. Restructure. With everything out in the open — behaviors, patterns, and feelings, therapists will help clients experience new ways of expressing their feelings and needs in healthier, more effective ways. This might look like practicing “scripts” for what to say to prevent or de-escalate a conflict. 

3. Integrate. With new approaches in hand, clients will practice what they’ve learned in their everyday interactions!

To move through these stages, EFT therapists might offer a number of interventions to help clients emotionally process and repair their relationships to themselves and others: 

• Reflection: Clients are encouraged to reflect on experiences and feelings with empathy for themselves and others, and to identify emotions and needs.

• Validation: Therapists acknowledge and affirm clients’ feelings and experiences. 

• Reframing: Therapists encourage clients to approach old feelings and experiences with curiosity and compassion, to reframe the meaning and be open to new strategies. 

• Re-enactment: Therapists encourage clients to re-enact important emotional experiences, with healthier behavior, i.e., naming their feelings and needs instead of acting on a secondary emotion like anger or numbness. 

An EFT therapist might start the session by asking you…

• What does a typical argument look like between you and your partner? Can you walk me through it? 

• When you feel angry or like an argument is escalating, what do you do? Do your responses or actions change if you are feeling lonely, sad, scared, etc?

• What do you think you are needing from your partner when you are engaging in a familiar negative cycle with them? 

• What does your relationship look like when you aren’t engaging in this cycle? 

The Benefits of EFT

Emotionally Focused Therapy offers many benefits, whether its for individuals, couples, or families: 

• Increased self-awareness: individuals can gain a clearer understanding of their emotional responses, unmet needs, and relational patterns to foster personal growth. 

• Improved communication and conflict resolution: EFT provides a structured approach to identifying interaction cycles and their root causes, many of which are coping mechanisms formed early in life. Especially in the context of couples and family therapy, the EFT process can help remove blame while also encouraging ownership of behavior going forward. 

• Healthier attachments: EFT not only provides a structured approach to identifying patterns, it offers a structured way of experiencing new approaches so that individuals can foster healthier connections.

Is EFT Right for Me? 

As mentioned above, Emotionally Focused Therapy can be applied in a variety of contexts, from individuals to couples and families. Here are a few signs that EFT might be right for you: 

• You often feel anxious or insecure in your relationships

• You often feel confused by your emotions, and are unsure how to express them

• You often feel misunderstood by others

• You feel angry all the time, and have trouble connecting with loved ones

• You experience frequent conflict at work

• You and your partner (or parent, sibling, or friend) are stuck in a long stalemate over the same issues and behaviors

EFT can help you uncover the root causes behind the experiences and form healthier habits for relating to others. 

EFT Therapy in Chicago: Empowered Connections Counseling

When we can learn to connect our emotions with our needs, we can begin to identify harmful patterns and establish new approaches to foster change. EFT can be a powerful therapeutic experience to help you connect meaningfully with your life. If you’re curious about whether EFT is right for you, or you’re ready to give it a try, reach out. At ECC, we’re committed to helping our clients find the right therapist and strategy for building healthy connections. We’ll connect you with the right therapist and method to help you thrive. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What Matters More: The Therapy Method, or the Therapist?

If you’re new to therapy, you may find yourself wondering which type of therapy is right for you, and beyond that, what is more important: the therapist, or therapy method? Perhaps you’ve met with a therapist before and it didn’t go well, but you’re not ready to give up on therapy yet. The good news is that research has given us some good indicators on how to set ourselves up for success in a therapy relationship—for both therapist and client. 

What the Research Shows About Effective Therapy Experiences

According to foundational studies in psychotherapy, such as Lambert 1992, there are a few important components that contribute to therapy’s overall effectiveness for a client. 

30% : Client-Therapist Relationship – Does the client feel safe, heard, and cared for in their therapeutic relationship? This is the biggest factor in the therapist’s control toward creating a helpful outcome from your therapy experience. 

15%: Technique & Models – These are the therapist’s tools and techniques for approaching a client’s needs. There are many different modalities in therapy, a few you may have heard of: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Attachment-based Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR).

15%: Hope (a.k.a., the Placebo Effect) – This is the client’s attitude towards therapy and their hope in the process itself, but the therapist plays a role here in instilling hope for the client’s ability to grow and change.

40%: Client and Contextual Factors – This is the client’s willingness and readiness for change, but it also includes outside forces that may impact a client’s well-being, stressors, access to basic needs and medical care, as well as other factors including job changes, parenthood, etc. 

With all of this in mind, the most important elements in choosing a therapist are the quality and connection in the therapeutic relationship. Change can occur across modalities—but if you like the approach and don’t feel completely safe or understood with the therapist, you’re less likely to experience positive change. Ideally, you should feel empowered to have a quality therapeutic relationship alongside a model and technique that is effective for your needs.

Tips for Finding the Right Therapist and Method

Online searches may pull up hundreds of different options as you search for a therapist near you, and that can be very overwhelming, especially if you’re already experiencing stress in your life. If you’re stuck on how to find the right fit, here are a few tips for starting your search: 

• Think about your goals for therapy. What parts of your life, or what ways that you cope, do you hope to improve? Knowing your goals can help you pick the modality that’s the right fit for you, and build a relationship with your therapist as you work towards a shared goal.

• Explore types of therapy that may help you. You can start by asking a friend who has been to therapy, or by researching online. If you’re not sure what to search, you can start with any of the modalities mentioned above.

• Search for resources near you. Searching by specialty and location, e.g., “EFT therapists near me” or “EFT therapists in [your city]” can help narrow down your search. 

Finding the Right Therapist and Method: ECC’s Approach

At ECC, we know how overwhelming it can be to find the right therapy fit to effectively address your unique needs. We’re committed to helping every client find the right therapist and the right modality, and we’ve designed our intake system to reflect that. 

When you reach out to ECC for care, we:

1. Provide a full list of therapists that have immediate availability, along with their bios and openings. This allows you to choose the therapist that resonates with you, as opposed to a random assignment to an open therapist.

2. We allow you to set up consultations with clinicians so that you can get firsthand experience to decide if the relationship and methodology are the right fit.

3. Offer flexible payment options. We can work with your insurance provider, or provide sliding scale or self-pay options if you don’t have insurance coverage.

Our multidisciplinary staff can help you achieve your goals when you’re ready to seek care. Not sure if you’re ready to start therapy? We think the fact that you’re here reading this blog is a good sign. 😉 When you’re ready to get started, fill out our intake form here.

About ECC

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we can work with you to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit your needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.