BLOG
5 Quick Ways to Manage Anxiety
Anxiety gets the best of us from time-to-time. In this blog post you will find five quick practical ways to manage anxiety, some takeaways to plan ahead, and other tips you can implement when you feel like the anxiety is building up.
Anxiety gets the best of us from time-to-time. In this blog post you will find five quick practical ways to manage anxiety, some takeaways to plan ahead, and other tips you can implement when you feel like the anxiety is building up.
Engage Your Senses
Often anxiety will build into sweeping thoughts and an intense emotional experience. Using the sense of touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing allows you to escape your internal experience by using your external experience to get lost in the moment.
Breathe with Mantra
If we can remember back to the nightmare that was gym class, telling ourselves as we were running laps, “just one more. I can do this!” while controlling your asthmatic breathing, we can use the same concept with anxiety. When we focus on a concept, we can force it into existence. Calm words, breed calm thoughts. Calm thoughts, breed calm experiences.
Schedule and Follow
A lot of anxiety could be eliminated if we scheduled our day in a predictable way, to understand what emotions we can prepare for. Not just our work obligations and the exciting new restaurant we are going to on the weekend, but the boring things like laundry, and necessities like cooking, grocery shopping, seeing friends, and cleaning your home. This allows us to anticipate the future and be able to plan accordingly.
What You Eat Matters
The old saying is true, when you eat well, you feel well. When we eat healthier foods, we feel better and we can better control our anxiety, instead of our anxiety controlling us. Eating more fruits and vegetables, while lowering our sugar and carbohydrates will help you with anxiety.
Exercise
When we move during exercise serotonin is increased, which is a natural anti-anxiety neuro-chemical. Taking a morning walk and talking to a friend can help make exercise more enjoyable than a dreaded activity.
Further Resources:
Podcast – Huberman Lab: How Food and Nutrient Control Our Moods. Dr. Andrew Huberman is an associate professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, Department of Neurobiology.
Blog – Men’s Health: Eat These Food to Beat Anxiety
Drew Ramsey, MD gives several food that can help reduce anxiety.
Book – Chatter: The Voice in Our head, Why It Matters, and Hot to Harness It
National Bestseller and Conscious mind expert Dr. Ethan Kross’ book on helping calm the inner voice.
When You Don't See Eye to Eye
According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems that relationships face are actually perpetual or unsolvable problems. The good news is no you are not doomed for, and no you are absolutely not alone. What are examples of unsolvable problems might you ask? Many involve personality or character traits that are simply not changeable, but can also be the very parts of your partner that you fell in love with. They can also include core value topics like politics and religion.
According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems that relationships face are actually perpetual or unsolvable problems. The good news is no you are not doomed for, and no you are absolutely not alone. What are examples of unsolvable problems might you ask? Many involve personality or character traits that are simply not changeable, but can also be the very parts of your partner that you fell in love with. They can also include core value topics like politics and religion.
Name the Problem
The first step is to name the issue that is getting between you and your partner. When we externalize the issue, and identify it as the problem that is getting between you. Then it pulls away from the mindset that there is something inherently wrong within each of you. The problem is the back and forth, escalated chain reaction involving a topic that is simply not solvable. Is it a topic of financial differences, where one is more fiscally conservative, and the other likes to spend more freely? Identify what the core differences are, and track what it looks like when things start to get heated.
Get Curious
It can be so difficult to navigate an issue when there are core values and firmly held beliefs wrapped up in so many different layers. However, instead of using these tough moments as a time to dig your heels in, and argue your stance. Shift your mindset to acknowledge that this is an opportunity to get to know your partner on a deeper level. There is nothing more powerful than to see and be seen. Plan for an intentional conversation, take a deep breath, and just listen. If you notice the conversation getting heated, then use these simple tips to help de-escalate.
Below are some examples of questions you can ask to understand your partner’s stance. Think open ended, Who, What, When, Where, How?
How were finances handled in your home growing up?
When did you first learn about handling finances?
Who taught you about finances?
What values are tied to how you think about finances?
What dreams do you have for your life where money needs to be considered?
What ethical beliefs do you have surrounding money?
What stories from your past that involve money are important for me to know?
What would you like me to understand about this topic?
What are your needs? How can I support you?
Create a Plan
Once you have taken the time to understand each other. Then, it is time to tackle the problem together, and find a win-win solution. First, identify your core needs. If saving at least 20% of your salary meets your need of having a sense of financial security, communicate that. If you have a dream of splurging on a vacation once a year to satisfy your need for adventure, speak up. In relationships, we sometimes envision compromise as giving something up. Instead, consider the things you cannot compromise on, then work on your areas of flexibility from there. Areas of flexibility might look like traveling on off peak days, finding a cheaper gym membership, carving out “spend as you please” money from your budget, or annual garage sales. Two heads are better than one when it comes to creative solutions, and the cherry on top is getting to know your partner even better!
Additional Reading: The Gottman Institute: What to Do When You Disagree
Your Brain and Booze
Have you ever had a night out where everyone consumed so much alcohol that everyone was drunk? Maybe it was fun and elating at the start of the night, then quickly turned to drama? One of your friends said something hurtful, and your other friends tried to comfort you by saying, “they didn’t mean that, they are drunk” or “their personality changes after they’ve had alcohol”. These are common statements you might hear when alcohol is involved, the personality of the person changes. In reality, our brain chemistry is being impacted by alcohol, and there is still much to be learned about how.
Have you ever had a night out where everyone consumed so much alcohol that everyone was drunk? Maybe it was fun and elating at the start of the night, then quickly turned to drama? One of your friends said something hurtful, and your other friends tried to comfort you by saying, “they didn’t mean that, they are drunk” or “their personality changes after they’ve had alcohol”. These are common statements you might hear when alcohol is involved, the personality of the person changes. In reality, our brain chemistry is being impacted by alcohol, and there is still much to be learned about how.
Alcohol is known as a depressant, however research shows that as you begin to consume alcohol, your BAC (blood alcohol content) is rising. As the night progresses and the drinking starts to slow down, the alcohol acts more as a sedative. This can explain the behaviors at the start of the night where we might be feeling a burst of energy and rowdy, then as the night progresses we feel more fatigue and confusion.
Although there are years of research, there’s still much to be learned in terms of neuroscience impact. One study looked at the brain chemistry and possible linkage between norepinephrine and a major neurotransmitter inhibitor called gamma-Aminobutyric acid, also known as GABA (Banerjee. 2014). Due to alcohol acting as a depressant with similar chemical qualities such as valium, norepinephrine production increases. Norepinephrine affects the GABA receptors, which is responsible for regulating the nervous system (Georgetown Behavioral Hospital, 2021).
The nervous system communicates with our body and controls important functions such as our balance/walking ability, breathing, thinking, our 5 senses, and more (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, 2018). When this is impaired, our ability to control our motor function slows down and reduces our ability to think and respond to situations quickly, causing those “drunk nights” out.
Another study found through a PET scan that the prefrontal cortex and temporal cortex in the brain showed the greatest decrease in activity. This could conclude an impairment in decision making and rational thought, as the prefrontal cortex is responsible for these processes. Inside the temporal cortex, the hippocampus is responsible for developing new memories. However, with the decrease in activity to this region of the brain as well, this could explain the reason for people not remembering their activities from the night before (Gowin, 2010).
We still have much to learn regarding neuroscience and its correlation with alcohol and GABA. Knowledge is power when consuming alcohol. Knowing its impact on brain activity can bring clarity to a lot of the confusion that might come with a long night of it.
Sources:
Banerjee N. (2014). Neurotransmitters in alcoholism: A review of neurobiological and genetic studies. Indian journal of human genetics, 20(1), 20–31. https://doi.org/10.4103/0971-6866.132750
Georgetown Behavioral Hospital. (2021). GABA and alcohol: How drinking leads to anxiety. Retrieved from: https://www.gbhoh.com/gaba-and-alcohol-how-drinking-leads-to-anxiety/
Gowin, J. (2010) Your Brain on Alcohol: Is the conventional wisdom wrong about booze? Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-illuminated/201006/your-brain-alcohol#:~:text=Elevated%20levels%20of%20norepinephrine%20increase,ups%20happen%20after%20happy%20hour
National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. (2018). What are the parts of the nervous system. Retrieved from: https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/neuro/conditioninfo/parts#:~:text=The%20nervous%20system%20has%20two,all%20parts%20of%20the%20body.
How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
Eating disorders are serious life threatening illnesses, and they do not discriminate regardless of age, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or background. Most often you cannot infer from the outside an individual is struggling with an eating disorder. The thought that weight is the only indicator someone is struggling, can perpetuate the secrecy and shame surrounding the struggle. Once you pull back the shade around this stigma, you can then keep an eye out for the warning signs.
Eating disorders are serious life threatening illnesses, and they do not discriminate regardless of age, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or background. Most often you cannot infer from the outside an individual is struggling with an eating disorder. The thought that weight is the only indicator someone is struggling, can perpetuate the secrecy and shame surrounding the struggle. Once you pull back the shade around this stigma, you can then keep an eye out for the warning signs.
Supporting a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder can be frightening and overwhelming; however, connection and communal support are key to recovery. Here are some quick tips to consider if you want to provide care for someone struggling with an eating disorder:
Tip #1 Educate yourself and make a plan: It can be difficult to approach your loved one about their eating disorder. There can be a lot of fear and emotions involved, so it is important to feel prepared. Prepare what you want to say and how. Invest in further reading about eating disorders to gain a deeper understanding and compassion for the struggle your loved one is experiencing. Avoid suggestions, and general statements like, “you need to stop.” Map out your key main points, then find a private location and time to talk (How to help a loved one. (2017, February 26).
Tip # 2 Approach with care: The pain your loved one is experiencing can be rooted in deep shame. It is vital to approach from a neutral and loving standpoint. Be sure to use I-statements, like, “I notice you are going to the gym a lot, and I am worried about you. I want to find a way to help you” (Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7).
Tip #3 Don’t give up: Know that they might not initially accept your support, but do not give up. It is important to find the balance between compassion and assertiveness, as getting them the help they need is vital. Allow space for them to express their potential worries, and offer to make the first treatment phone call with them (Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7).
Tip #4 Separate them from their eating disorder: Your loved one is not their eating disorder, and separating the two shows it can be tackled. Find windows where they acknowledge their symptoms, and how it might impact what they want for themselves. For example, if they love the outdoors, but are feeling tired and lethargic. Use that as a chance to express how you want them to gain back their energy in order to go camping and hiking like they’ve wanted to.
Tip # 5 Find support for YOU: Being a supporter to your loved one and their eating disorder can be an emotional journey. Not only does your loved one need to know they are not alone, so do you. Find a family member support group, or seek individual therapy so you have a space to process your experiences.
Sources:
Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7). National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. https://anad.org/get-informed/eating-disorders-warning-signs/
How to help a loved one. (2017, February 26). National Eating Disorders Association. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help/caregivers
Additional Resources:
What to Expect in Your First Relationship Therapy Session
Starting relationship therapy with your partner(s) and meeting your new therapist can be anxiety provoking. What will you discuss in your first session? What will your partner(s) say? What will the therapist think? What if it's awkward? These are all normal thoughts when meeting your therapist. You are essentially inviting a stranger into your relationship!
While every therapist may have some slight differences - generally you can expect that the first session will focus on you and the therapist getting to know each other better. Sessions are approximately 55 minutes long.
Starting relationship therapy with your partner(s) and meeting your new therapist can be anxiety provoking. What will you discuss in your first session? What will your partner(s) say? What will the therapist think? What if it's awkward? These are all normal thoughts when meeting your therapist. You are essentially inviting a stranger into your relationship!
While every therapist may have some slight differences - generally you can expect that the first session will focus on you and the therapist getting to know each other better. Sessions are approximately 55 minutes long. Your therapist will explain logistics such as intake paperwork, confidentiality, cancellation policy, and etc. This allows time for you and your partner to also ask the therapist questions as well. Questions you might ask include the therapist’s approach/style in therapy, previous experience, etc. Your therapist will also ask you questions to understand you and your partner(s) better, goals you want to achieve in therapy, and also explain the structure of sessions. Questions to expect from your therapist include being asked the history of your relationship, conflicts that arise within the relationship, strengths, etc.
Remember- therapy is a two way street. Feel free to ask questions to your therapist to make sure you all are a good fit, you are essentially interviewing them the first few sessions. Subsequent sessions will include the therapist continuing to understand your relationship and then diving past the ‘surface’ level. Coming to therapy is similar to dating; you want to make sure you feel heard and understood by your therapist and that you feel comfortable with them. If, after a few sessions, you feel like you don’t “click”, let your therapist know and they can refer you to other therapists who may be a better fit. It's okay to feel uncomfortable the first few sessions, that’s normal.