What is Narrative Therapy? How to Re-Write the Story of You

We all have our own stories for how our identity formed. Some of these stories are full of beauty and can serve us really well. As a 2nd-generation Asian American, my family of origin’s immigration story speaks of resiliency and dedication in a way that brings me pride and motivation. The meaning we make behind these stories can bring inner awareness and help us grow.

Other stories can get in the way. We might have critical self-talk that has grown so powerful that we don’t think to second guess it (e.g. “I’m not articulate enough to have that conversation.”) Or we might have adopted a story that society gave us (e.g. “I’ll let that slide because people like me are accommodating.”) A story might even be so subtle that we don’t realize we are telling it to ourselves.

Narrative Therapy encourages us to consider how we might “re-author” these stories to have more ownership over our lives.

What is Narrative Therapy? 

Narrative therapy is an approach that helps people view themselves as separate from their problems and behaviors, rather than inherent to who they are as people. In narrative therapy, the therapist and client explore the stories behind identity-formation together; then they work to uncover the meaning behind those stories so that the client can decide whether they want to keep them, or write new ones.

Language is seen as an important tool in narrative therapy because it serves as one of the primary means by which all people express their experiences, explore their stories, assign meaning, and ultimately, create change.

While each narrative therapist may practice differently, there are some common underpinnings that I’ll explain below:

• Sociocultural context: All stories are told within their relational, systemic, political, and cultural contexts. Narrative Therapy distinguishes between “dominant stories” (stories which are told primarily by those in power) and “subjugated stories” (stories which are often sidelined.) Therapists may encourage clients to identify possible dominant stories in their narrative to deconstruct them together.

• Social construction: A foundational principle of narrative therapy is that our personal realities are organized and maintained through narratives. This means that we can create change by the simple (but difficult!) act of altering how we talk about something. Deconstructing language is an important part of narrative therapy.

• Role of the therapist: In narrative therapy, the therapist adopts something called the “not-knowing” stance. Since realities are socially constructed, only the client can have full knowledge of their experience. So, rather than diagnosing or advising, a narrative therapist asks questions that draw out the knowledge, strength, and experience that is already carried within the client’s existing narratives.

What Happens in a Narrative Therapy Session? 

From Narrative Therapy by Jill Freedman and Gene Combs: “I feel as though I have been sitting on a path that has become overgrown with briar and thorns, closing me in and torturously leaving me witness to my shrinking options. And Jill now stands around me and whacks down the brush so that I can see which path I want to take. She has opened up the options and so the opportunities become mine for the choosing.”

At its heart, Narrative Therapy is about questions. The therapist leans into their “not-knowing” stance to understand the client’s existing narrative and its meaning. They then shift the questions to co-create a client’s preferred new story.

How a client experiences a Narrative Therapy session depends on many factors, including the therapeutic relationship, but some key strategies of a Narrative Therapist are listed and explained below:

• Externalizing: This is probably the most defining tool of Narrative Therapy. Narrative Theory sees problems as separate from the individuals that experience them. Then, it uses language to help people distance themselves from those problems. For example, instead of saying “what kinds of things happen that lead to you becoming sad?”, a narrative therapist might ask “in what context is the sadness most likely to take over?”. This positions the sadness as a problem to be tackled, rather than an inevitable part of a person’s experience.

• Alternative story: A narrative therapist will work with a client to co-author a new story. The idea is to take power away from an existing narrative and place it back into the client. Narrative therapists use terms like “preferred realities” or “preferred stories” to emphasize the agency a client might have in writing their own narrative for themselves.

• Unique outcomes: It can be so difficult to re-write a story that we have told ourselves for our whole lives. A Narrative Therapist will attempt to open space for new stories by exploring exceptions to a dominant story. An important part of Narrative Therapy is celebrating and amplifying experiences which contradict existing narratives. 

The Benefits of Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy can be beneficial for people experiencing a variety of presenting issues, from anxiety or depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, relationship struggles, family conflict, addiction, and more. 

Narrative therapy can offer several benefits: 

• It can provide greater awareness of how you came to be who you are today

• It can help you make sense and meaning of your experiences

• It can improve self-esteem

• It can empower you and increase the agency you feel to manage problems and conflict

Is Narrative Therapy Right for Me? 

Narrative therapy may be right for you if: 

• You are looking to build insight or awareness of yourself

• You want to shift your thoughts or beliefs about yourself

• You have negative self-talk

• For couples: if you both find yourselves experiencing the same event…but have vastly different interpretations of it

Narrative Therapy in Chicago

If the stories you've been telling yourself about your life are getting in the way, let's rewrite them together. Our therapists at ECC are here to help you deconstruct the stories you believe about yourself and write new stories that help you take ownership of your life in powerful ways. Fill out an intake form to get started today. 

ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for relationships, families, children & teens, and individuals in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

How to Stay Politically Engaged While Protecting Your Mental Health

It's a difficult, scary time in American politics. You may be feeling worried for the safety and well-being of yourself and your loved ones while also feeling anxious about the future of democracy. The policies being enacted by the current administration may have a direct impact on you and your community, whether it's the threat of deportations, being targeted for your gender identity, or the possibility of losing your job. Balancing your mental health and daily life while staying informed and active may feel impossible even if you feel relatively privileged and unlikely to experience direct harm from current political policies. This blog outlines some healthy coping strategies for staying engaged and creating sustainability even when political news and events are causing you stress and anxiety. 

First, Your Feelings Are Valid

If you're feeling anxious, stressed, or scared right now, it's because you're a human being with empathy. It's important to take a moment to feel your feelings rather than ignoring them or getting frustrated with yourself when you find it hard to focus at work, stay mentally present with loved ones, or feel joy. Your feelings are a sign that your humanity is still intact.

That being said, it’s all too easy to get burnt out by doom-scrolling, obsessing over the news, or giving too much of yourself without making time to rest and care for your own needs. If we want to stay in touch with our humanity in this challenging time, we have to be strategic about our time and attention so that we have the energy to care for ourselves and our communities and stand up for our values. 

Six Therapy Tips on How to Stay Politically Engaged without Getting Burnt Out: 

1. Schedule Your Exposure to the News (And Your Feelings About It) 

If you find that you’re struggling to disengage with your worry, schedule it. Pick 30 minutes or an hour once or twice a day when you can read articles, check in on groups you’re active in, and feel your feelings about current events. Setting time aside allows you to be more present in the moment while knowing you will also make space for the parts of you that are activated due to fear, anger, and grief.

2. Evaluate & Adjust Your Social Media Use

Examine what purpose social media is serving you and what your limitations are:

• If it’s for political updates and interaction, engage with it in a more structured way. Some social media websites have a time limit feature – use that, or set an alarm so you don’t get lost doom scrolling.

• If it’s for socializing, community engagement, and watching cute cat videos, hide individuals who post political rhetoric, double-check the settings that allow you to only see accounts you follow, and curate your algorithm the best you can so that your social feeds are the reprieve you need. This might mean avoiding certain social media platforms temporarily or leaving them entirely, and that’s okay. 

3. Check In with Your Own Needs

With politics so overwhelming right now (and much of it out of our control), it’s important to check in with yourself on what you need and what might be adding to the overwhelm. Maybe you need more or less time with friends and family; maybe you need to engage in activities that are less likely to overstimulate you due to noise or bright screens; maybe you need a cozy game moment rather than video games that are stressful or competitive. Maybe your body and mind need you to carve out time for a nap so you can get some literal rest. Whatever your needs may be, the most important thing is to honor them by gauging your overwhelm often and finding healthy ways to decompress.

4. Don’t Forgo Self Care 

Drink water, eat regularly, take your meds, and get enough sleep. These acts are essential to maintaining your energy, perspective, and emotional resilience. Because times of continued stress and trauma often require us to take care of ourselves differently, take some time to also check in with yourself about your normal self care routine – does any of it need to change? What do you need to add in or take away? 

5. Engage with the things that bring you joy. 

Many activists have said it before, and that’s because it’s true: joy is resistance. Engaging in joy intentionally is a great way to affirm your humanity, remember what matters to you, and be reminded that it can exist even when the world feels scary and unsafe. 

6. Find Sustainable Ways to Engage with Your Values & Support Your Communities 

Be upfront with yourself about what you have the capacity for so you can set realistic expectations. Know your capacity might change day to day or week to week; it’s okay to take breaks if it means you won’t burn out. Remember that you’re not an island; you’re part of a bigger community working together through daily acts to create meaningful change. Here are some practical ways to engage with your values without getting burnt out:

• Write your representatives: your alderpeople, senators, congresspeople, attorney generals, etc. 

• Donate to mutual aid groups and causes that align with your values

• Support local businesses and be aware of boycotts happening for large corporations that may be supporting harmful initiatives

• Volunteer with community organizations 

• Check in on friends, family, and community members who might be affected by the actions of the current administration

7. Seek Support From a Therapist If You Need It 

If you’re struggling to cope with political stress and anxiety on your own, you’re not alone. It’s okay to bring this up in therapy or to seek a therapist to discuss your feelings. 

ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

Beyond Sadness: Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss. In theory, we all understand that grief is part of the human experience, but when loss actually happens in our lives, the intensity and unique shape of our grief can still catch us off guard. Yet just because grief is part of the human experience, doesn’t mean we have to cope with it alone, or reign in how we express it. In this post, we’ll explore different kinds of loss and grief, and how to know when it’s time to seek therapy for grief.

How Grief Manifests In Different Ways (Beyond Sadness)  

To understand nuances in the way we feel grief, it’s important to remind ourselves of the importance of close relationships. Close relationships are part of our biology; we seek out close relationships for many reasons such as safety, survival, and emotional regulation. It’s important to feel cared for and it's important for us to care for others. Close relationships also influence our motivations in life, and our interests. They are an integral part of being human. So when someone close to us dies, so much for us changes without them. 

“Grief is the form love takes when someone we care about dies. Our experience of grief is our reaction to all the changes we experience during bereavement.” —The Center for Complicated Grief  

In the beginning of bereavement, it's like the world has turned upside down without this person. Losing someone close to us can lead to many changes in our lives: who we spend time with, who handles certain household tasks, who we talk to about certain things, how we envision the future.

With all of these changes in the wake of someone’s death, acute grief can look and feel like other emotions such as (but not limited to): 

• Anger

• Hurt

• Anxiety/fear

• Guilt

• Numbness 

• Hopelessness

As time goes on we start to cope, process, accept these experiences and adapt to life without this person. We don’t feel these feelings as intensely on a day-to-day basis, although the intensity may return when important grief milestones come up, like the anniversary of their death, or a big life event such as a graduation or wedding. We also might start to feel other parts of grief, such as love, gratitude, inspiration, or determination to honor their memory. 

It’s important to remember that grief is not a linear process. You can have good moments and painful moments all in the same day. You can experience this variety of grief a month after loss, a year after loss, even 10 years after the loss. There is no time limit. We typically never “get over” our loss but learn to adapt to life without them and live meaningfully. 

What is Ambiguous Loss & Grief? 

While death is the scenario most often associated with grief, there are many other kinds of loss that can lead someone to grieve. According to the Mayo Clinic, ambiguous loss or ambiguous grief is a term for the experience of profound loss and sadness when a person hasn’t experienced the death of a loved one.

Ambiguous loss can include: 

• Relationship breakups (this includes romantic partnerships but can also include friendships) 

• Infidelity

• Job layoffs or career transitions

• Miscarriages and infertility struggles

• Family estrangement

• Financial problems

• Moving to a new place

• Natural disaster

• Political unrest

• Changing belief systems

Types of ambiguous loss: 

• Leaving without a goodbye: This type of loss happens when you lose physical connection with someone but you’re not sure if they’re dead or alive, such as addiction, abandonment, or they’ve gone missing. The uncertainty, lack of closure, and inability to mourn as a family or community with a ritual such as a funeral can compound feelings of grief. 

• Goodbye without leaving: This type of loss occurs when you’re grieving a person who is physically alive but not engaged in your life as they once were due to a chronic illness like dementia or another medical issue, estrangement, incarceration, or addiction. The change in the relationship, even if the choice was yours, can be very painful. 

• Situational goodbye: Grief isn’t always the result of death or even a change in a relationship. Witnessing loss in other places, such as war, natural disaster, a shooting or violent crime in your community, or political unrest, can stir feelings of grief. Other, less life-threatening experiences are also valid reasons for feeling grief, such as job loss or financial struggles. 

Practical Strategies for Coping with Grief

Whatever kind of loss you’ve experienced, remember: there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Focus on being present with what you need. When experiencing acute grief, try to pay extra attention to the ways you are caring for your basic needs— 

• Am I getting enough sleep? 

• Am I eating enough?

• Am I moving enough? 

Time alone can be helpful. Sometimes in our grief we want privacy. Sometimes time with others can be helpful; we need support and company in our experience. Be present with which one you may need. 

These strategies can also help you process your grief: 

• Journaling through the experience 

• Talking with others about your loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one or a more ambiguous loss. Let others in on how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. 

• Grief counseling/therapy. Individual therapy for grief is helpful, but so is group therapy where you can connect with others who have experienced loss. 

• Find ways to continue to connect and maintain your bond to your loved one. Rituals, memorializing them, looking at pictures, talking or writing to them, creating something with them in mind—these acts are healthy ways to express and release emotions so that they’re not bottled up inside.

• Let others help you and tell them what you need. Humans do not typically grieve well alone.

When to Seek Mental Health Therapy for Grief 

Therapy can be very beneficial at any time after a loss, but you might consider starting therapy if you are experiencing persistent and intense experiences of grief for an extended period of time that significantly impacts your daily functioning. According to the American Psychiatric Association, it might be time to seek grief therapy if you’re experiencing any of the following:

• Intense longing for the deceased

• Preoccupation with thoughts or memories of the deceased

• Identity disruption, feeling as though part of oneself has died

• Disbelief about the death

• Avoidance of reminders of the deceased

• Intense emotional pain, such as anger or sorrow

• Difficulty reintegrating into daily life

• Emotional numbness

• Feeling that life is meaningless

• Intense loneliness

If you are experiencing these symptoms beyond the acute phase of grief, you may be experiencing Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD). A therapist trained in grief counseling can help you develop tools and insight to move towards living life in a meaningful way after the loss of your loved one. 

Grief Counseling Near You

Just as grief is essential to the human experience, so is asking for help when we can’t cope alone. No matter what type of loss you’ve experienced, no matter how you feel about it, from intense to numb or ambivalent, ECC therapists are here to help you emotionally process your experience and navigate your new normal. If you need support with grieving, moving on from death, divorce, estrangement, or another type of loss, we're here to help. Book an appointment today to get started. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for relationships, families, children & teens, and individuals in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

5 Tips for Healing Your Self Image

It’s summertime: season of beach days and gatherings with friends and family. With all the warm weather we’re wearing less layers to cover up the parts of our bodies we might feel self-conscious about. Maybe you’re getting ready for a big event like a wedding or reunion, but you’re feeling anxious about how you’ll look and what people will think. In this post, we’ll talk you through healing your self image, the therapy interventions that can help, and five tips for getting started. 

What is self image?

Self image is related to what you see when you look in a mirror; however, it goes much deeper than that. Self image also refers to how we see ourselves on a more holistic level, both internally and externally. Self image is also connected to your self-esteem, the way you see yourself affects the way you feel about yourself.

When to seek professional support for your self image

A certain amount of self-consciousness about our bodies is a normal part of being a human in a body around other human bodies – the human brain is wired to notice our similarities and our differences. But sometimes that self-consciousness can lead to profound negative self image, and even self-harm. 

There can be many contributing factors to negative self image, from family dynamics to school and workplace culture, to popular media. Maybe you grew up in a family culture where negative body talk was normalized, like a caregiver who made critical comments about their own body—or yours. Maybe it’s because you were bullied at school, or you witnessed other kids get bullied. The media is another common source of negative self image; many of us have been immersed in imagery of idealized body types (thin, white) from a young age. 
Whatever the reasons why you might have developed a negative self image, it’s important to know that this is something you can change and heal, with support from a therapist. If the negative self image becomes intrusive to your daily life, making it hard to function or enjoy everyday things, or if it is leading to self-harm behaviors or disordered eating, then it’s time to seek support from a therapist. 

What kind of therapy methods can help improve self image?

There are a few different therapeutic approaches that can help improve your self image: 

• Mindfulness Therapy: Mindfulness Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps clients to focus on the present moment. It uses techniques such as breathing methods, guided imagery, and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress.

• Art Therapy: Art therapy involves the use of creative techniques such as drawing, painting, collage, coloring, sculpting, along with others to help clients express themselves through art and recognize the psychological and emotional undertones in their art. Art therapy can help clients interpret the nonverbal messages, symbols, and metaphors often found in these art forms, which can lead them to a better understanding of their feelings and behavior.

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a form of therapy that combines cognitive therapy (focusing on helping clients identify their thoughts and how to change the way they think) with behavioral therapy, which is an approach that focuses on changing people’s behavior. 

• Strengths-Based Therapy: Strengths-based therapy focuses on a person’s internal strengths and resourcefulness to improve resilience and reshape the narratives they’ve believed about themselves.

5 tips to help improve your self image

1. Focus on recognizing your strengths and achievements. Write them down or make a collage to illustrate them.

2. Practice positive affirmations, and be consistent with it. Here’s an example affirmation to get you started: My body is my home; I will build it up, not tear it down.

3. Write a love letter to yourself in which you recognize the value you bring to yourself and others.

4. Reserve time to take care of yourself, and do the things you love, such as your favorite hobbies.

5. Try to have a mindful moment by deep breathing when you notice you are having a lot of negative thoughts about your body.

Self image therapy near you 

The way you see yourself affects the way you feel about yourself. When we need help seeing ourselves more clearly so that we can honor and love ourselves, a therapist can help. At ECC, we work with patients of all backgrounds and walks of life to heal their self image. Our diverse group of licensed therapists offer a multidisciplinary approach, combining mindfulness, art, and CBT practices to meet clients’ needs. If you’re struggling with your self-image, we’ll connect you with the right therapist and therapy method to help you thrive. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

Coming Out to as Queer to Your Straight Partner

While many LGBTQIA+ Americans living today realized their orientation and came out of the closet when they were teenagers, there are many adults who experience this at an older age and have the challenge of coming out to a romantic partner. It can be emotionally fraught to not only face the reality that your orientation is different than you originally believed, but to admit this to your partner. There is so much to consider – will they be supportive? Will this fundamentally change the nature of your relationship? If you’re anxious or unsure about how to come out as queer to your straight partner, we offer some guidance in this post to help you prepare for the conversation. 

Start with Self-Reflection 

Before you ever come out to anyone else, it’s helpful to take time to be curious about yourself and your own exploration. You definitely don’t need to have all of the answers, but having a sense of how you identify, your emotions surrounding the exploration of this part of yourself, or even your own questions that may still be unanswered, can help you feel capable of talking it through with your partner. 

Borrow From a Few Therapy Methods

There are a few therapy methods that can help you self-reflect and emotionally prepare to come out to your partner, as well as other people you trust.

• Narrative Exploration: Think about the narratives that have impacted your relationship to self, gender identity, and sexual orientation. What narratives have made it difficult to know or acknowledge this part of yourself? What narratives are you holding onto about queerness that don’t fit with your values, and how do you want to reauthor these narratives? While this is a story that may still be unfolding, this kind of curious exploration can allow you to better understand and better communicate to your partner some of the complexities that go hand-in-hand with coming out as an adult or as someone in a straight- or cisgender-presenting relationship.

• Write It Out: Feeling overwhelmed and afraid you won’t touch on important parts of your narrative? There is nothing wrong with having a list of things you want to address when coming out to your partner. Being able to refer to a written list of thoughts can help you stay calm and confident if you start to feel overwhelmed.

• Grounding: It’s normal to be nervous and maybe even afraid, but coming out to your partner is an important conversation to be present in. Think about what you can do to ground yourself and stay in the moment. Hold a warm cup of tea or a cold glass of water; light a candle with a soothing fragrance; have your favorite Squishmallow at the ready.

• Take Space: Even if the conversation is going well, coming out can be very emotionally overwhelming for a lot of reasons. Pay attention to what your body is telling you and allow you and your partner to take a break and come back if you need it. 

Prepare for the Conversation

Despite how long or how well you know each other, it’s hard to know how your partner might react when you come out to them, so plan to have the conversation in a private, comfortable space. 

Prioritize your safety – emotional, psychological, and physical. It’s okay to take space or disengage from the conversation if your partner isn’t responding supportively. 
Ask trusted friends or family to be on standby. Maybe you’re sure your partner will celebrate you, or the conversation will go better than you expected; maybe you’ll be surprised, or overwhelmed, or unsure of your partner’s reaction – either way, having a support system can be incredibly important and validating. 

Come into the conversation with honesty and intention: what do you want the relationship to look like after you’ve come out? Be clear about your feelings and thoughts.

Give It Time

Coming out can be emotional for a multitude of reasons. While a partner’s response of anger, frustration, shock, confusion, or grief may feel hurtful to you or not be the response you were hoping for, hold space for their feelings. Coming out can be a big shift, and just like you likely needed time to process what this means for you, your partner likely needs space to do the same. That being said, if you begin to feel unsafe or at risk, end the conversation and prioritize your safety. 

Find a Queer-Friendly Therapist Near You

Wherever you’re at on your journey of coming out and accepting your queerness, you deserve support. Our sexual and gender identities can have a unique impact on our mental health – from how safe we feel to express our full selves, to facing discrimination, to coming out to loved ones and peers. ECC therapists are here to help you navigate the challenges and the joy, and find the path to being your authentic self. Our diverse, multidisciplinary team supports individuals, relationships, and families of all backgrounds and identities. We’ll help you find the therapist and therapy methods to help you thrive. Reach out today to book a session. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.