Managing Loneliness During the Holidays: Four Tips from a Therapist

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? The holidays are meant to be a time of connection and joy, but sometimes they can be a time of disconnection, grief, and isolation, especially if you have recently suffered a loss such as death of a loved one, divorce or estrangement, job loss, or a move away from your community. Perhaps the holidays are a reminder of past trauma. Even when everything in your life seems normal, the social expectations around holiday celebrations can be overwhelming. It’s all too easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others who seem to have it all together, especially through social media. All of these things can not only increase loneliness, but anxiety and depression as well.

If any of this feels familiar, know that you aren’t alone. In the last year, over half of Americans have reported feeling sadness and loneliness during the holidays. Loneliness at the holidays is incredibly common, despite the sparkly veneer of lights and gifts and sweet treats.

Mental Health Struggles During the Holidays

An increased sense of loneliness can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms, especially ones we may have turned to in the past: substance abuse, disordered eating, and other addictive behaviors like mindless shopping. It’s also common to experience increased relationship conflict with family members and partners, given the social pressure to conform to old traditions that may not be comforting anymore.

Another mental health struggle that many experience during the holidays is meta-emotional cycles: in other words, having feelings about your feelings that exacerbate your despair. For example, you might feel loneliness, and then sadness or self-doubt in response to the loneliness: Why am I so isolated? Is there something wrong with me? Another example might be jealousy that others have partners and big families to celebrate with, followed by shame for being jealous: Why can’t I just be happy for others and content with my life? These meta-emotions often lead to greater distress and dysregulation. All the while the original, primary emotion is unattended to, making matters worse.

Therapy Tips For Managing Your Loneliness During the Holidays

The good news is that there are ways you can reorient yourself during the holiday season to protect and improve your mental health. These strategies may not fix your loss or erase past trauma, but rather, can serve as a touchstone for reminding yourself that you are not alone in the world, and joy is still possible.

1. Mindfulness practices – Take time to slow down and connect with your thoughts and feelings. A simple practice of journaling, writing down things you’re struggling with and things that you’re thankful for, can have the effect of reducing how overwhelmed you feel and stopping those meta-emotional cycles from spiraling out of control. Or you might try going outside for a winter walk and focusing on your senses to get out of your head and back into your body: enjoy the crunch of snow beneath your boots, the fog in the air, the wind on your cheeks, or a favorite song in your earbuds (even if it’s a sad one).

2. Make new traditions – Whether it’s because the old traditions don’t feel comforting anymore, or because doing them simply isn’t possible this year due to financial issues or travel constraints, it is okay to try new ways of celebrating. This is possible whether you have people to celebrate with or not. If the thought of trying to celebrate holidays alone makes you feel even more sad or self-conscious, consider an activity that will connect you with others in need, like helping out at a center for unhoused people or underprivileged groups.

3. Adjust expectations and boundaries – We all go into the holiday season with hopeful expectations that we will be surrounded by loved ones and everyone will have a merry time together, full of joy and delicious food and fun gifts. But some years, that’s just not how it works out, for a variety of disappointing reasons. In these times, adjusting our expectations – and communicating clearly with others to help them adjust their own expectations – can make room for other opportunities to find joy. So maybe this year, gathering together with loved ones just isn’t possible; talking about it early on and making other plans to connect over FaceTime or in-person at a later date can help ease the disappointment and reassure each other that you care. (Read this post for more tips on setting boundaries and expectations with loved ones during the holidays.)

4. Support through therapy – No matter how lonely you feel this holiday, remember that you don’t have to cope alone. Therapy can help you process your feelings, prepare for the hard moments, and find joy and comfort.

Get Extra Support This Holiday Season

There’s no better time to seek support from a therapist than during the holiday season. You don’t have to wait until the new year to get the support you need. At ECC, our diverse group of licensed therapists can help you process the loneliness of the season and offer new strategies for coping and connecting with others. Book an appointment with us today to get started.

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

Attachment Styles: What They Mean and How They Can Help in Your Relationships

Have you ever wondered what your life right now would be like if your childhood relationships with your parents or caregivers had been different? Have you ever reflected on a conflict with a partner or friend, and felt intuitively that if your bond with your parent or caregiver had been healthier when you were a kid, perhaps it would be easier for you to communicate as an adult? Maybe you’re not used to stating your needs clearly because your needs as a child were a burden. Maybe it’s hard for you to get through an uncomfortable conversation with your partner without arguing, because arguing was the predominant way your family communicated. Or maybe you often feel anxious in your relationships, and that anxiety has been with you since childhood?

If any of these experiences resonate, attachment-based therapy might help you.

What are Attachment Styles?

Attachment Theory, founded by John Bowlby, is based on the idea that the relationship young children develop with their primary caregiver or guardian impacts their long-term social and emotional development. These bonds are based on children’s survival needs for safety, food, and protection. Our earliest experiences with attachment are formed through our primary caregivers, from birth through early childhood, setting our expectations of how we can relate to others and how they will respond to us.

“Attachment” is a framework for how you relate to others. “Style” is shorthand for how you are connected or disconnected from others. There are two main types of attachment:

• Secure attachment: A secure attachment between a small child and a caregiver forms when the caregiver consistently responds to the child's needs, providing comfort, reassurance, and emotional support. This “secure base” allows the child to explore the world confidently, knowing they have a reliable source of comfort and safety to return to. This early experience fosters a sense of trust, self-worth, and an understanding that relationships can be dependable and supportive. As the child grows, this secure attachment becomes a template for future relationships, influencing their ability to form healthy connections, manage emotions, and navigate conflicts with confidence and resilience.

• Insecure attachment: In an insecure attachment dynamic with a caregiver, the child's needs might be inconsistently met or disregarded, leading to uncertainty about receiving comfort or support. This inconsistency can create anxiety or avoidance in seeking closeness or reassurance. As the child grows, this insecure attachment style might manifest as difficulty in trusting others, struggles with intimacy, and challenges in managing emotions within relationships. It can lead to patterns of either excessive dependence or reluctance to seek support, impacting the ability to form healthy, secure connections in adulthood, often resulting in difficulties with intimacy, communication, and trust within relationships. Within “insecure attachment” there are a few variants:

  • Anxious Attachment, also called anxious-ambivalent attachment, is when a person feels anxious and insecure in their relationships. They might act clingy in relationships, in constant need of reassurance that their loved one isn’t mad or about to leave them. Anxious attachment is often formed when a child’s caregivers are themselves anxious, hovering over the child and then pushing them away, or making the child feel responsible for the caregiver’s feelings.

  • Avoidant Attachment, also called anxious-avoidant attachment, is when a person acts ambivalent or dismissive in their relationships. They struggle to build intimacy or voice their needs in relationships. Avoidant attachment is often formed when a child’s caregivers were strict and emotionally distant, expected the child to be independent, left the child to fend for themselves, or neglected a child’s basic needs.

  • Disorganized Attachment, are people who crave connection with others but are viscerally terrified of it at the same time, leading to erratic and contradictory behavior. Disorganized attachment is often formed in extreme circumstances, like trauma, abuse, or neglect.

How Do I Know What My “Attachment Style” Is?

While there are formal tests that trained psychologists use to determine a client’s attachment style, such as the Adult Attachment Interview or the Adult Attachment Projective, oftentimes you can identify your attachment style through talking with a therapist, reflecting on your current relationships and behaviors, and reflecting back on your childhood. A therapist who specializes in attachment-based therapy and similar modalities like Emotionally Focused Therapy can ask guiding questions to help you identify your attachment style and how it's impacting your relationships.

What is Attachment-Based Therapy?

Attachment-based therapy is a trauma-informed and process-oriented therapeutic method that helps clients identify attachment wounds and repair relationships. It can be effective for individuals of all ages, couples, and families. In attachment-based therapy, a therapist will talk with you to help you understand the four attachment styles, and then lead exercises to help you identify your attachment style, identify deeper attachment wounds, and repair bonds with a partner or other loved ones. Attachment-based therapy can be applied to treat a multitude of presenting issues: individuals (including children and teens) who have experienced abuse, trauma, couples who have experienced infidelity, and families who have experienced a loss.

Attachment-based therapy (also known as attachment-focused therapy) is distinctly different from the similarly named “attachment therapy,” which is a series of behavioral interventions for children with attachment disorders. Though the names are very similar, attachment therapy is not based on the theory by John Bowlby and is not considered compatible with attachment-based therapy. Attachment therapy interventions like rage reduction or rebirthing have been shown to cause adverse effects in children and are not used in attachment-based therapy.

What Makes Attachment-Based Therapy Different From Other Methods?

Attachment-based therapy is different from other talk therapy methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy in its focus on early childhood experiences and repairing relationships. While Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is also based on Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, the goal of EFT is to understand the emotions that arise from our attachments and how they influence our behavior.

How it Works: What to Expect in an Attachment-Based Therapy Session

In attachment-based therapy, there’s a lot of time given to reflecting on the client’s childhood experiences and relationships to understand present-day conflict. A therapist might also use structured activities to help the client practice new ways of communicating to change the way they connect with others and repair relationships. Whatever strategies a therapist uses, the goal is to establish a secure relationship between therapist and client, so that the client feels safe to explore their past and try new ways of coping and communicating.

Is Attachment-Based Therapy Right For Me?

There are many different effective therapeutic methods, and attachment-based therapy is just one that may be helpful. You may benefit from attachment-based therapy if:

• You experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, or separation from a caregiver as a child

• You sense that childhood experiences are negatively impacting your adult life and relationships

• You want to better understand how your past is affecting your present

• You struggle with trust and security in your relationships

• You want to improve communication in your relationships

• You want to repair broken or difficult relationships

How to Find Attachment-Based Therapy Near You

When we take time to understand our pasts and families of origin, we can begin the work of forming healthier attachments in our present-day lives. Attachment-based therapy is one therapeutic method of many that may be effective for you. At Empowered Connections Counseling, our diverse group of therapists offer a multidisciplinary approach – we will work with you to find the right therapist and the right therapeutic method to suit your needs, including attachment-based therapy for individuals (adults, teens, and children) couples, and families in Chicago and across Illinois.

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

5 Therapy Tips for Connecting with Your Family This Holiday Season

With the holidays just around the corner, it’s normal to feel anxious about making plans with your family, especially if you have a history of conflict. Holidays might have been more fun when you were a kid when you could just play with your siblings and cousins, eat delicious food, and tune out the adult conversation. But now that you’re an adult with your own values and opinions, family togetherness during the holidays might feel more stressful, with lots of potential for disagreement and friction. Roast turkey with a side of resentment, anyone? 🙃

We can’t control how other people in our families act, but we have the agency to make healthier choices that help us navigate complex family dynamics. Here are five tips for connecting with family this holiday season. 

1 - Clarify your own expectations for seeing your family. Check in with yourself: what do you hope this holiday gathering will be like? How do you want to spend time together? Until we can be honest with ourselves about our expectations, we will have a hard time communicating them to others, and that’s a recipe for disappointment. We also need to be honest with ourselves about whether our expectations are an accurate reflection of who we are, and who our family members are. When we set realistic expectations, knowing that frustrating moments are likely to happen, we can make a plan for how we want to respond in the moment in ways that align with our values and needs.

2 - Make a plan for when and how to interact with family. Here’s a scenario that might feel familiar: every year for the holidays, the whole family spends the entire day at Grandma’s house. You arrive at 11AM and leave twelve hours later, stuffed with pie and big feelings about everything everyone said to each other. What if you made a different plan this year? What if you decided to spend less time there — just long enough for dinner and dessert, with a few strategic time-outs in between? Or perhaps your parents expect you to stay at their house for the holidays (with your sibling, their spouse, their rambunctious kids, plus two dogs) and that always feels like too much? Deciding to stay in a different location can give you space and a chance to decompress. Or you might decide that this year FaceTime will have to suffice because you’re not feeling up to joining the full family gathering. The bottom line is that you get to decide when and how to interact with your family, you just have to make a plan that feels right for you.

3 - Set goals and limits. You’ve checked in with yourself on expectations, and you’ve made a plan for when and how to see your family. The next important step is setting goals and limits for interacting with your loved ones. It’s important to be specific. “I want to make it through Thanksgiving dinner without engaging in an argument” is a worthy goal, but a specific goal about how you’ll respond to a specific pattern of behavior will better prepare you for following through. A strong goal might be deciding not to take your dad’s bait about a political disagreement, or redirecting the conversation when your aunts engage in diet talk during dinner. A helpful limit might be setting a planned time to leave with your partner, deciding not to drink alcohol with everyone, or planning to leave if a particular harmful pattern starts to unfold. Writing out your plans, goals, and limits can help you prepare emotionally for taking action in the moment. 

4 - Practice clear communication and boundaries. A key element of fostering healthy change in any relationship is clear communication and firm boundaries. You can do all the work of clarifying your own expectations with yourself and making plans for how you want to interact with family during the holidays, but if you never communicate any of this to your loved ones, it can cause confusion, hurt, and disappointment for both you and them. (You can read more about boundaries here.) 

Some expectations and boundaries are better communicated ahead of time, like where you’ll stay: “We’re going to stay at an Airbnb this year. I know we’re welcome at your place and we’ve always stayed with you before, but this time we’d like to give everyone a bit more room to relax and decompress. It’s not because we don’t appreciate your hospitality, it’s just better for our needs. We’ll still get plenty of quality time together.” 

Other boundaries might be best communicated in the moment, like redirecting topics of discussion: “I hear what you’re saying. Talking about diets and food restriction right now is kind of triggering for me, so can we just enjoy our meal and talk about something else? If you keep talking about it, I’ll excuse myself from the table.” And then swiftly change the subject. 

A therapist may be able to help you reflect on the harmful patterns that make family gatherings difficult and help you strategize and practice new responses so that you’re prepared and confident in the moment. 

5 - Find ways to be kind to yourself. Navigating dysfunctional family dynamics is hard work. If you grew up in a household where your needs were dismissed by your caregivers, or arguing was a precursor to abuse or rejection, speaking up for yourself can feel scary and triggering. The work of breaking harmful cycles and choosing to respond differently can be exhausting, painful, and lonely. It’s important to strategize ways to care for yourself before, during, and after, so that you don’t revert to harmful coping mechanisms or engage in self-sabotaging behavior. Here are a few self-care tips:

• Take time out if you need it. Family gatherings can be overstimulating, from the noise to the number of people and the unpredictability of how everyone will act. Give yourself a chance to hit pause on the chaos with a quiet moment alone, whether it’s a trip to the bathroom or a walk around the block with the family dog.  

• Complete the stress cycle. Your body and brain are on high alert in moments of stress, even in the context of family dysfunction. Some people try to numb the feeling with alcohol, smoking, or other maladaptive coping mechanisms, but if you want to be kind to yourself and your body, there are healthier ways to decompress and tell your body that you’re safe: physical activity like a walk or run, meditation, letting yourself cry, taking a nap, or even meeting up with a friend to see a funny movie and laugh. 

• Forgive yourself when you mess up. We can have the best intentions for acting out our values and holding our boundaries, but we will inevitably disappoint ourselves somewhere along the way. We’re human, and our loved ones are human. Every interaction is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, our families, and use that information to guide our relationships going forward. 

Need Extra Support This Holiday Season? 

If this upcoming holiday season is causing you to experience anxiety and distress, you don’t have to cope on your own. Meeting with a therapist can help you connect with your emotions, clarify your needs, and build the emotional strength to show up differently in your family, in ways that align with your needs and values. There are many different therapy methodologies that might help you establish healthier connections with your family, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy. At ECC, we’re committed to helping our clients find the right therapist and strategy for building healthy connections. If you need help with boundary setting, communication, or conflict resolution, we’re here to help. Book an appointment today to get started. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Maybe you’re familiar with this scenario: you and your partner (or parent, sibling, or friend) are both home after a long day at work, eating dinner together, when the conversation veers off-course into an argument. It could be about family plans for the holidays, or money, or household tasks that need to get done, but the fight feels too familiar. You’ve had this same fight before, even if it was technically about a different issue, and you and your loved one have reverted to the same feelings and reactions. You feel stuck. Why would something as innocuous as a family holiday gathering or a sink full of dishes trigger such intense feelings? Why can't you seem to react differently whenever the topic comes up? Something has to change, but you don’t know how to make it happen. 

Feeling stuck in your emotions and relational patterns is common, and it’s exactly the kind of issue that Emotionally Focused Therapy is designed to help. 

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy? 

Developed by Canadian Psychologist Sue Johnson in the 1980s, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach that helps clients connect their emotions with their underlying needs, identify negative patterns, and try new ways of connecting with others. Emotionally Focused Therapy is a type of attachment-based therapy and was primarily developed for couples, but can also be an effective therapeutic approach for individuals and families.

What Makes EFT Different From Other Therapy Styles 

There are many different therapeutic approaches, even amongst our staff at ECC. Emotionally Focused Therapy is distinct from other methods in its core premise that our emotions are a signal of an unmet need or insecure attachment within a relationship. EFT is also distinct in how it addresses that unmet need or insecure attachment. Unlike Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, which focuses on changing an individual’s thought patterns, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which focuses on skill development for emotional regulation, EFT is focused on restructuring emotional patterns and bonds to others, making it particularly suited for repairing relationships (although EFT can also be effective for individuals).

Discerning Primary vs Secondary Emotions with EFT

Shame, fear, sadness, loneliness: there are just some emotions that feel too painful to name, especially if we’re in the heat of an argument with someone, or we’re in an environment where we don’t feel safe to be vulnerable, like at work. When we feel unsafe (consciously or subconsciously) to express a primary emotion like sadness or rejection, we may express a different emotion, like anger. In Emotionally Focused Therapy, clients learn to identify and distinguish these two distinct emotional experiences: 

• Primary emotions (the initial, raw reaction to a distressing situation) 

• Secondary emotions (their reactions to the primary emotion, which are often protective responses or coping mechanisms). 

Consider a couple having an argument on a sensitive topic. The primary emotion might be fear, triggered by the vulnerability of acknowledging the deeply rooted issues underneath the surface and how they might impact their attachment to one another. Perhaps one partner is thinking, “If I voice my concern about this issue, will they leave me?” and the other partner is thinking, “If I acknowledge that my partner is right, will they judge me?” To protect themselves, one partner might withdraw emotionally and refuse to talk, while the other might get angry or defensive. 

Emotionally Focused Therapy provides a structure for identifying and addressing these layers of emotions and empowers individuals to connect more deeply with their authentic feelings and foster healthier communications in their relationships. 

Identifying Attachment Styles with EFT 

In EFT, clients also learn to identify the “why” behind the emotions, sort of like peeling back the layers of an onion. The EFT process starts by helping clients identify dysfunctional behavior patterns, then identify the secondary and primary emotions that drive those behaviors, and then identify the attachment insecurities that drive the emotions. 

Attachment styles are the way we relate to others, and they are typically formed in our childhoods based on how we interacted with our primary caregivers. (You can learn more about this in our blog post about attachment styles!) When we have attachment insecurities formed by our earliest interactions with our families of origin and primary caregivers, they can show up as unhealthy patterns in our adult relationships. Attachment insecurities might look like: 

• Avoidant attachment: avoidance of emotional or physical intimacy, dismissive of others

• Anxious attachment: fear of rejection or abandonment

• Disorganized attachment: difficulty trusting others, contradictory behaviors

The EFT “Onion” of Identifying Behaviors, Feelings, and Attachment Insecurities

How it Works: What to Expect in an EFT Therapy Session

EFT is designed to be experiential, so that clients can practice identifying primary emotions and the needs and insecurities driving them, and learn to do this in their everyday interactions. Some EFT experiences are structured as a series of sessions, organized in three stages:

1. De-escalation. Therapists will help clients identify the behavior patterns, emotions, and attachment insecurities as outlined above. 

2. Restructure. With everything out in the open — behaviors, patterns, and feelings, therapists will help clients experience new ways of expressing their feelings and needs in healthier, more effective ways. This might look like practicing “scripts” for what to say to prevent or de-escalate a conflict. 

3. Integrate. With new approaches in hand, clients will practice what they’ve learned in their everyday interactions!

To move through these stages, EFT therapists might offer a number of interventions to help clients emotionally process and repair their relationships to themselves and others: 

• Reflection: Clients are encouraged to reflect on experiences and feelings with empathy for themselves and others, and to identify emotions and needs.

• Validation: Therapists acknowledge and affirm clients’ feelings and experiences. 

• Reframing: Therapists encourage clients to approach old feelings and experiences with curiosity and compassion, to reframe the meaning and be open to new strategies. 

• Re-enactment: Therapists encourage clients to re-enact important emotional experiences, with healthier behavior, i.e., naming their feelings and needs instead of acting on a secondary emotion like anger or numbness. 

An EFT therapist might start the session by asking you…

• What does a typical argument look like between you and your partner? Can you walk me through it? 

• When you feel angry or like an argument is escalating, what do you do? Do your responses or actions change if you are feeling lonely, sad, scared, etc?

• What do you think you are needing from your partner when you are engaging in a familiar negative cycle with them? 

• What does your relationship look like when you aren’t engaging in this cycle? 

The Benefits of EFT

Emotionally Focused Therapy offers many benefits, whether its for individuals, couples, or families: 

• Increased self-awareness: individuals can gain a clearer understanding of their emotional responses, unmet needs, and relational patterns to foster personal growth. 

• Improved communication and conflict resolution: EFT provides a structured approach to identifying interaction cycles and their root causes, many of which are coping mechanisms formed early in life. Especially in the context of couples and family therapy, the EFT process can help remove blame while also encouraging ownership of behavior going forward. 

• Healthier attachments: EFT not only provides a structured approach to identifying patterns, it offers a structured way of experiencing new approaches so that individuals can foster healthier connections.

Is EFT Right for Me? 

As mentioned above, Emotionally Focused Therapy can be applied in a variety of contexts, from individuals to couples and families. Here are a few signs that EFT might be right for you: 

• You often feel anxious or insecure in your relationships

• You often feel confused by your emotions, and are unsure how to express them

• You often feel misunderstood by others

• You feel angry all the time, and have trouble connecting with loved ones

• You experience frequent conflict at work

• You and your partner (or parent, sibling, or friend) are stuck in a long stalemate over the same issues and behaviors

EFT can help you uncover the root causes behind the experiences and form healthier habits for relating to others. 

EFT Therapy in Chicago: Empowered Connections Counseling

When we can learn to connect our emotions with our needs, we can begin to identify harmful patterns and establish new approaches to foster change. EFT can be a powerful therapeutic experience to help you connect meaningfully with your life. If you’re curious about whether EFT is right for you, or you’re ready to give it a try, reach out. At ECC, we’re committed to helping our clients find the right therapist and strategy for building healthy connections. We’ll connect you with the right therapist and method to help you thrive. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What Matters More: The Therapy Method, or the Therapist?

If you’re new to therapy, you may find yourself wondering which type of therapy is right for you, and beyond that, what is more important: the therapist, or therapy method? Perhaps you’ve met with a therapist before and it didn’t go well, but you’re not ready to give up on therapy yet. The good news is that research has given us some good indicators on how to set ourselves up for success in a therapy relationship—for both therapist and client. 

What the Research Shows About Effective Therapy Experiences

According to foundational studies in psychotherapy, such as Lambert 1992, there are a few important components that contribute to therapy’s overall effectiveness for a client. 

30% : Client-Therapist Relationship – Does the client feel safe, heard, and cared for in their therapeutic relationship? This is the biggest factor in the therapist’s control toward creating a helpful outcome from your therapy experience. 

15%: Technique & Models – These are the therapist’s tools and techniques for approaching a client’s needs. There are many different modalities in therapy, a few you may have heard of: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Attachment-based Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR).

15%: Hope (a.k.a., the Placebo Effect) – This is the client’s attitude towards therapy and their hope in the process itself, but the therapist plays a role here in instilling hope for the client’s ability to grow and change.

40%: Client and Contextual Factors – This is the client’s willingness and readiness for change, but it also includes outside forces that may impact a client’s well-being, stressors, access to basic needs and medical care, as well as other factors including job changes, parenthood, etc. 

With all of this in mind, the most important elements in choosing a therapist are the quality and connection in the therapeutic relationship. Change can occur across modalities—but if you like the approach and don’t feel completely safe or understood with the therapist, you’re less likely to experience positive change. Ideally, you should feel empowered to have a quality therapeutic relationship alongside a model and technique that is effective for your needs.

Tips for Finding the Right Therapist and Method

Online searches may pull up hundreds of different options as you search for a therapist near you, and that can be very overwhelming, especially if you’re already experiencing stress in your life. If you’re stuck on how to find the right fit, here are a few tips for starting your search: 

• Think about your goals for therapy. What parts of your life, or what ways that you cope, do you hope to improve? Knowing your goals can help you pick the modality that’s the right fit for you, and build a relationship with your therapist as you work towards a shared goal.

• Explore types of therapy that may help you. You can start by asking a friend who has been to therapy, or by researching online. If you’re not sure what to search, you can start with any of the modalities mentioned above.

• Search for resources near you. Searching by specialty and location, e.g., “EFT therapists near me” or “EFT therapists in [your city]” can help narrow down your search. 

Finding the Right Therapist and Method: ECC’s Approach

At ECC, we know how overwhelming it can be to find the right therapy fit to effectively address your unique needs. We’re committed to helping every client find the right therapist and the right modality, and we’ve designed our intake system to reflect that. 

When you reach out to ECC for care, we:

1. Provide a full list of therapists that have immediate availability, along with their bios and openings. This allows you to choose the therapist that resonates with you, as opposed to a random assignment to an open therapist.

2. We allow you to set up consultations with clinicians so that you can get firsthand experience to decide if the relationship and methodology are the right fit.

3. Offer flexible payment options. We can work with your insurance provider, or provide sliding scale or self-pay options if you don’t have insurance coverage.

Our multidisciplinary staff can help you achieve your goals when you’re ready to seek care. Not sure if you’re ready to start therapy? We think the fact that you’re here reading this blog is a good sign. 😉 When you’re ready to get started, fill out our intake form here.

About ECC

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we can work with you to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit your needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.